Fallen
by urban-ism
Summary: Ashley returns from London because of a devastating loss in her family. With the choice to return to London for good or stay at Toronto for good, Ashley realizes who and what is of importance to her life. Butwill she recieve the same feelings in return?To
1. Flying Home

**Title:** It's About Time  
**Chapter 1:** Flying Home  
**Author**: sileepnai

**Pairing**: Craig and Ashley  
**Teaser**: Ashley never realized what really mattered to her until she had to let go.  
**Summary**: Ashley returns from London because of a devastating loss in her family. With the choice to return to London for good or stay at Toronto for good, Ashley realizes who and what is of importance to her life. Butwill she recieve the same feelings in return?To have loved and lost... Will she have to let go or hold on this time?

**A/N **I will be writing this fanfic slow paced so that I can actually complete it. hehe. I hope it turns out okay! This is my first real CrAsh fanfic, so wish me luck. Comments are verrrry much appreciated. Regarding Chapter 1 -Sorry if it's short! I"m just trying to set up this scene right now . Please do R/R! Thanks a ton!

_disclaimer- I do not own Degrassi or any of it's characters._

* * *

Ashley sat in her living room devastated. Her trip to London was cut short when she got that one call from her mom. It was three weeks into her trip and she was having the time of her life… she was happy for once. Nothing could ruin her stream of happiness.

_(flashback)_

"Ash, your phone.. it's like, lighting up and doing crazy things." A boy about Ashley's age murmured with a British accent, "I really do need to get me one of these cellular's."

Ashley laughed as she reached out for her phone, "Hello?" Her smile slowly shifted into a utterly confused look. It was a look of confusion, a little distraught, and a mix of pain. She took one hard swallow before her eyes began to tear up, "Mom, I need to come home… you, Toby. You guys need me."

The phone call lasted about 15 minutes. It was call from her mother only to find out that Jeff, Toby's father, had gotten into a driving accident. He lasted 2 days and 2 nights in ICU. He passed away that morning.

_(end flashback)_

Toby hid in his room and refused to speak to anyone. He was being rebellious, but he wasn't being open either. No one knew how to talk to Toby. Not this time. Two deaths in one year was far too much for him to handle. First Rick and now his dad.

"Mom… how's Toby?" Ashley's eyes were red. She had been crying. She cried for Jeff when she was in London and on the plane ride home, but now she was crying for Toby and her mother. Just seeing the pain in their eyes was enough for her to get emotional.

After a long pause Kate responded, "He's in his room. You can check on him if you want but don't bother him. He's taking it really hard."

Ashley was a little bit annoyed that since she returned from London no one was willing to talk. She came back for them yet she felt invisible. "Well of course he's taking it hard, mom, it's his dad!" She retorted.

Kate sighed as she stood up to walk over to the kitchen. Ashley had her elbow on the arm of the couch and plopped her face into her hand trying to hold back her tears. Then the doorbell rang and she got up to answer it.

"Ash?" His eyes widened at the sight of her face.

Ashley wiped her face and then closed the door behind her, "I can't be in that house anymore. It's like… too depressing."

"Well, I actually came to see Toby." Craig rubbed his neck. He didn't know whether to go in and check on Toby or free Ashley. He wanted to make her happy but he needed to be Toby's friend too, "mind if I see him for a sec? Just sit out here and wait for me… it's a nice sunny day. You can get a face tan or whatever." He laughed.

Ashley smiled, "Um… yea." She let out a small laugh. She loved his small stupidly funny comments, "he's in his room…"

He nodded and entered the Kerwin residence. Ashley sat down on the steps in front of her house.


	2. Best Wishes

**Chapter 2: Best Wishes**

**NEWS Last minute news, I changed the title to Fallen because the song fit so well with the story! **

**A/N: Thank you SO much for the wonderful feedback. I really appreciate it. I wrote out half of Chapter two only to delete it because the story just didn't fit so here's my rewritten work. I hope it turned out alright. Also, as a sidenote, little bits and pieces of lyrics from songs will appear throughout the fanfic. I'm not writing a songfic, but I thought some of the song lyrics just fit well with the story. **

**_Disclaimer: Lyrics from Sara McLachlan are not mine. They belong to her and her beautiful song "Fallen". (As far as I know I will be using the lyrics to Fallen. I'll let you know if there are any other songs I intend to use.)_**

* * *

Sooner or later the door swung open and Toby walked right pat Ashley as she sat on the stoop. Craig slowly staggered behind and stopped when he saw Ashley. He closed the door behind him and walked over to Ashley. 

"So?" Ashley asked.

"It went... ok." Craig said, "He really isn't the talking type." They both stood and watched Toby walk away, "I think you should talk to him... you are his sister and all. Step-sister.. whatever."

"I tried. He just sits there and stares... I figure I'll give him some room before I barge in and act like I know what he's going through... Toby and I are different." Ashley said with ease.

The two began walking together down the street. It was awkward for both of them considering they had just broken up in the worst way possible. Ashley leaving. They both knew it was over at that moment but now they were together again, walking, and talking. Half of Ashley's mind was still mourning for Jeff and for her family, and the other half was confused as to whether Craig knew they were broken up or not. Craig tried to remain as normal as he could be around Ashley but it was awkward for him as well. He questioned why he was even talking to Ashley... she left him. In his eyes, that's not what someone you love does to you.

"London... fun?" Craig really wasn't interested in anything about London by that time. What happens in London stays in London. He didn't have the nerve to say that to her face though.

"Yea... it's amazingly beautiful. You just don't understand." She stopped at her last word. Of course he doesn't understand, she is the one who stopped him from coming with her to London in the first place, "The people are wonderful and... I don't know. It's relaxing and I love it."

Craig just stared out into the scenery in front of him. He didn't know what to say, "And your job?"

"Perfect." Ashley didn't even realize how uncomfortable Craig was. She was too worried about what she was going to say next, "They made me an offer, you know..."

"An offer?" Craig turned his head this time to see what Ashley was talking about.

She was smiling, "Yeah, like this full time internship. Eventually I get a job... maybe not a great job but if I take this internship my life will be perfect." There was a glow to her words. It was like she was speaking gold, whatever that means. All Craig understood was the 'fulltime internship' part of her sentence.

"And college? You're just going to give that up for a few demo's?" Craig tried to ask as nicely as possible yet still in a concerned Craig fashion.

"They're going to pay for me to go to college.. well not completley. I have to apply for finacial aid and my FAFSA's like normal. But the difference after that, we're going to negotiate it all. College and a career." This is her dream and she was living it.

Craig smiled as if he accepted what she was talking about. He played around with his fingers as he tried to grasp on to what she was trying to tell him. In Ashley's head, she was implying that she was going to get to live her dream and that everything was falling perfectly into place. In Craig's head, he realized that his Ashley was going to be gone forever.

Tomorrow was the funeral. This meant there were only hours left until the doorbell would stop ringing with neighbors and friends stopping by with macaroni salads and mashed potatoes. The table was already full of plates and bowls and no one in the house was eating except for Ashley. She couldn't let the food go to waste because of a few emotions. She did not want to look heartless either but she knew that someone had to be strong in that house and show the other two that there is so much more in life than drowning your pain in sorrow because you can't let go of someone dear to you. After telling Craig about her fulltime internship she was prepared to tell her mom. Her mom was excited as she could be, though still in mourning. Kate loved Ashley and supported her in everything she pursued. She wasn't going to hold back her only daughter from the one thing she wanted most. Toby, on the other hand, didn't have much to say to Ash.

"So after all this... you're going to leave? Again?" Toby finally spit out a few words. It was the first time Ashley and Toby had gotten any real interaction with each other.

"Well, sort of." Ashley didn't know how to answer that question.

Toby leaned back into the couch, "Right." There was a long pause, "London must be great then. Cause you haven't really called me or Kate since you left... but it's only been three weeks so I guess you're still just getting settled."

Ashley just looked at him for a moment. The awkward silence began to take over once again.

"Toby." Ashley said quietly, "You know I'm here for you... if you ever want to talk, that is."

Toby mockinly chuckled for a moment, "Don't do this."

Ashley scrunched her eye brows, "don't do what?"

"This... pretending to be my big sister or something. Cause whatever you're doing.. you don't do it well." Toby said straight forward.

"I'm not pretending to be your big sister. I bascially am your sister... is that what you think of me? Like some phony who's... who's forced to be family?" Ashley stood up and faced the window for a second then turned back at Toby.

"You think your my sister? You're not even my step-sister. We were only related because my dad married your mom... that's it. You never cared about me.. or my dad." Tears were slowly filling Toby's eyes.

"I cared about Jeff. You don't even know... and i care about you so don't even tell me that I don't. I came home for you guys. I came home because you needed me." She pleaded. They weren't yelling orshouting but the conversation was intense.

"Maybe you're right! But a better answer would have been that you came home because _you_ needed us. Not the other way around... I mean. None of this really matters anymore, but whatever. No one's going to notice if you leave, so go." Toby walked away and left for his room. Back to his oasis.

Ashley slowly tried to gain composure. She had no idea what just happened.

_Truth be told I've tried my best  
But somewhere along the way  
I got caught up in all there was to offer  
And the cost was so much more than I could bear._


	3. Elsewhere

The day of the funeral was passing by a lot faster than they would have expected. The day started out full of mourning, it was dark and gloomy, but now the skies were clear and everyone was able to reminisce about the good times they all had with Jeff. Toby tried, but he was too far in to think about the good times. He just wanted his dad back. 

Everyone was at the Kerwin house, eating, chatting, and most of all, being there for each other. From good friends to people that Jeff worked with, everyone was there. Ashley kept up a normal conversation with her friends but the back of her mind was stuck on what Toby had told her the other day. When she finally caught a glimpse of how unhappy he was, though his friends were trying to cheer him up, she decided to escape to her room so she could really do some thinking.

Craig was the only one to notice her quiet escape.

Spinner noticed Craig looking up the stairs, "If you want to talk to her... then go," He spoke slowly as if Craig were stupid, "Quit being a wuss."

Craig just looked at Spinner contemplating whether he take Spinner's advice. Throughout the years he came to a conclusion that he shouldn't take any of Spinner's advice because he'd just end up in even more trouble than when he started.

"I think you shouldtry the crab puffs. Forget talking to Ashley." Jimmy said while eating. Jimmy nodded in approval of the food, all he did was eat.

"Why?" Craig asked.

Jimmy shrugged, "Why what?"

"Why forget her?" Craig mumbled. It has been about three weeks since Ashley left and he conviced himself that he was over her.

Jimmy lifted an eyebrow, "Fine, go...it's just... she just lost her step-dad. Damn, Let the girl breathe for a minute. The last thing she wants is drama..."

"No, don't listen to Dr. Phil, Craig" Spinner pushed Jimmy to the side a little in order to get in front of Craig, "I know Ashley!" He empasised with his hand gestures. Jimmy just looked at SPinner like 'right, he know's Ashley'. Spinner went on, "This could be your only chance... cease the day, my friend. LIsten to the moral of Jeff's story. Life? Is short." Spinner said nodding his head. Jimmy and CRaig couldn't tell if he was mocking Craig or really being serious. Since when did Spinner talk about ceasing the day and living life. Jimmy kept quiet because It was weird for all of them.

Ashley sat on the edge of her bed with her hands on her lap. She was in her own room yet she felt to awkward because it was like she had to be doing something but she didn't know what it was. There was a knock on the door as she turned her head.

Craig and AShley looked at each other before anyone said a word, "Hey." Craig uttered.

Ashley got up, "Craig. Hi!"

Craig began walking towards her. AS he got closer he walked around her and aimed for her desk. Ashley turned in his direction as she watched him look at the papers on her desk.

"Are you ok?" Craig asked, "I mean... funerals suck." He meant it in the most careful way possible. Craig knew what loss was about more than anyone.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine... I don't know about Toby though." There was an awkward tone in Ashley's voice.

Craig lifted up a piece of paper and he scrutinized it as much as he could in a matter of a few seconds, "You didn't sign it?" Craig felt hopeful. He was talking about the form to agree to the internship. It was the contract she needed to initally take the next step and she hadn't signed it.

She pulled the paper out of his hands and looked at it, "No, not yet."

"But you're still going?" He asked. She nodded a yes to him and now his hopes were gone again, "Yeah." Craig cleared his throat, "So exaclty how is Toby?" He asked, "Doing better, getting worse, yelling? Fighting? Anything?" Craig would much rather talk about Toby than Ashley going back to London.

"Uh, well... we sort of fought. I mean, it's not really a fight if he's the only one talking, right?" She asked.

"What happened?" He asked non chalantley.

Ashley didn't want to tell him the specific details, so she summarized it for him, "He thinks it's wrong for me to leave. To go back to London... then he sort of just told me to leave." Ashley looked away. She felt horrible just talking about it. Craig wasn't saying a word because he agreed with Toby. Ashley was waiting for some form of consolation. Anything. She wanted him to say it was ok for her to go back, for her to live her dream, to get a career, this was it. He didn't say a word.

"If he doesn't want you to leave, then why are you going?" Craig asked. In some way, he was asking for himself, he wanted AShley to stay but he didn't want to say it directly to her face.

Ashley was in awe. That's not what she wanted to hear from Craig. "Because this is a once in a lifetime thing?" Her tone shifted again, "Why?" There was a pause while she thought.

Craig didn't want to hold back any of this opinions anymore, it was a thing he would normally do. He wanted to tell her exactly what he thought, whether it was right or wrong, "Tob thinks it's wrong...and I can't blame him."

She was listening.

"I know I'm not your keeper, but right now you seem to be the strongest Kerwin in this house. You have Toby down there hiding in a hole, and then your mom who's planning to work herself to death for you guys." Craig snarled, "Sure, you left the first time and everything was just peachy... but look around. If you leave, then there's going to be nothing for you to come back to." He was being brutally blunt with her.

Ashley was a little bit insulted about the things he said about her family but it did make her think for a moment, "They're stronger than that, Craig."

"Maybe... but that kind of stuff takes time." There was so much more he wanted to say, especially since he didn't have much of a say in their break up. He had a lot he wanted to say. He wanted to tell her that if she really loved him, she wouldn't have left the way she did, he thought it was wrong of her to do something like that.

"You can't leave someone while they're in recovery, Ashley." Craig's words could be translated in two ways, "It's wrong... but that's what you do, right? You lead them on by telling them you're going to be there for them and then when they get a little bit better you leave." He picked up a pen of Ashley's desk and basically handed it to her, "You might as well sign the papers." He held the papers and pen in front of her. She didn't take it.

Ashley shook her head. She was confused and angry because now she thought Craig was talking about their break up, and he was. It wasn't about Ashley leaving her family, it was about Ashley leaving Craig right when it seemed that he was getting better.

Ashley knew what he was doing, even if he was doing it unconsciously, she knew what it was, "I don't want to fight you." She said sternly. Tears were filling AShley's eyes because she felt bad about leaving Craig, she felt bad about hurting Toby, she just felt horrible, "I'm... I just can't do this." She didn't want to feel sorry anymore. She was happy about London and she was angry at the fact that no one cut her slack for doing something for herself. She walked out of her room leaving Craig. He followed her down the stairs.

Jimmy stopped Craig before he could get out the door to follow AShley, "Whoa, what happened?"

Craig waited till Ashley shut the door behind her, he couldn't follow her now, "If Ashley leaves? I can never talk to her again." He put emphasis on the word never.

Jimmy thought he was over reacting, "Ok drama queen." He made sure Craig didn't follow Ashley, "Let her go."

Craig looked at Jimmy as he told him to let her go. What did that mean? All Craig could do now was hand the contract and pen that he was still holding and gave it to Jimmy. Jimmy didn't know what it was, but he took it and looked at it.

Craig calmed down, "Let her go..." he thought outloud as Jimmy read the contract, "Jimmy, you don't know Ashley like I do. She can't leave."

"I don't know her?" Jimmy's scrunched his face, "She is my ex-girlfriend."

"And you want me to let her go the same way you did? I don't think I can do that." He said mockingly. There was something about the way that Craig emphasised "the same way you did?" How their conversation got into Jimmy and Ashley's past threw Jimmy off track but Craig decided he had enough for one day and left for home.

Jimmy walked out to the back to find Ashley. She was sitting on the bench facing the other direction.

Jimmy walked around the table so she could see him. He remained standing, "Here..." He handed Ashley's internship contract to her.

She didn't have the strength to interrogate Jimmy as to why he had her papers, part of her didn't even really care, "Thanks." she said as she gazed down at the papers in her hands. Jimmy stood awkwardly near her as she sat deciding whether he should even say anything or just walk away.

Jimmy was about to walk away before Ashley thought outloud, "What's so wrong about this?" she remained staring at the contract and then looked up at Jimmy.

Jimmy had to say something, he needed to prove to himself that he did "know" Ashley more than Craig thought, "I read some of the stuff on that... and personally, I'd say go for it." He sat next to her, "I think it's pretty cool."

"Well you're the only one then." Ashley looked back down at the paper, "Toby and Craig are pretty much going to hate me if I leave. They probably hate me right now..."

"Who cares? This is your chance to do something for you." Jimmy started, "this isn't even about them... Toby'll get over it, he's family.. and Craig's just going to have to deal. You can't make everyone happy..."

"Yea..." Ashley replied, "But you can't always get what you want either."

Jimmy chuckled, "So what... you're gonna give all this up because of what other people think?" He looked at her seriousely and decided to bring up something taboo, "Isn't this why we're not friends anymore?"

Ashley looked at Jimmy worried that now he was going to start new drama for her, "You're not doing this to me too are you?"

"No, its just that I came out here to talk up Craig for you. He's thinking about shutting you out if you leave." Jimmy said.

"I guess It's good to know that Craig has friends..." Ashley said apathetically as if it were an auto-response, "But you haven't really said anything interesting about him."

"That's cause I'm your friend too." He got up, "If you go, I got your back... if you stay," He tilted his head back and forth in a thinking motion, "I still got your back." He went back into the house.

Ashley for the first time felt at ease, as if everything were ok. She didn't think that one conversation with Jimmy Brooks, of all people, would be the one to make her feel better. And the fact that he said he was her friend gave her something to look forward to. She missed talking to Jimmy and just knowing the fact that he would be there for her, and now he was back in her life. Fixing things with Jimmy was like a step towards what she needed. It have her a hope that she thought she had lost and now she was ready to face her mom ,Toby, Craig... and maybe even London.


End file.
